Interior Ocean

In the yoga studio, the fifteen of us lie still, at the end, and our breaths are in unison; our breaths resemble the sound of waves. I’m rocked back into my memories.

The darkness behind my eyelids is softened by the low lit screens all around us. Though I’m perfectly still on the ground, my body lightens and begins to feel as if it is swaying.

My breathing channels through my body like waves and I feel layers of me shifting surfaces, moving forward and backward, forward and backward, swinging. The breaths of others around me are the waves gently lapping the coast, the distant waves folding into themselves; they are the waves molding over my skin, like an aqueous shield, but soon breaking in foam all around me. Continue reading “Interior Ocean”

Home Thoughts

When I see your pale face and black hair I ask myself if you could be Hispanic. In fact, I think of my childhood doctor Dr.Bengochea.

I see a woman’s printed pants: black, white, and blue, and it reminds me of the tiles in Sevilla, Spain.

It makes me yearn for home and I wonder why I’m not home. But then I remember I don’t belong there. I don’t belong here either.

I’m in between and never really comfortable anywhere .

I thought of the essay “Elsewhere”, by Kundera. I thought about self-exiles and displacement: it isn’t very much a tragedy, so much as an acceptance that nowhere will ever be just right.

Some people are born with their homes on their back

Grey Dog

i finally ended up at grey dog and i was excited to sit outside but decidedly its still too cold for that nonsense. plus inside was a good vibe, i didn’t want to be too away from the people. i went to order at the coffee bar but i was stunned right in my tracks. the barista was plainly handsome in a magnetic way. His eyes and skin were too much like those of Alptug (Alp- like the Swiss Alps, and too, because the g is silent) a student at a university I worked at, in Turkey.

I had that little flashback and i think i must have blushed scarlet, I’m not sure. I stood there mouth agape, laughing nervously in little bursts—a ‘he he’ kind of laughing, nothing crazy. Crazy would have sounded like this: HAHAHA WOW! OH MY GOD! YOU LOOK JUST LIKE THIS GUY! Instead I sounded like this: “Oh my, you look just like someone I know.” I couldn’t help being terribly quiet and could do little more than try to begin a sentence three times. When my awkward could not be further contained, I apologized: “i’m sorry you look just like him” and he smiled, perhaps flattered. I started, “He was”…but I had nothing to say; between emotions and acute aphasia the only words i did manage to say (again) were…. Continue reading “Grey Dog”

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